LOVE IS FOUND
AN ONLY IF NOVEL
COVER DESIGN: Jay Aheer/Simply Defined Art
COVER MODEL: Parker Radcliffe
RELEASE DATE: 07.04.16
“My love for you will never die.”
A story based on true events of love, self-acceptance, and the turmoil of companionship.
“Love is Found” is the moving story about coming-of-age in suburban New York and discovering the broad concept of sexuality and love.
Based on true events of love, the story’s protagonist, Robert, finds himself thrown into the realization that upon entering graduate school he is beginning a new chapter in his adult life. Comfortable with being gay, he yearns for love but dwells on the ideal of being alone while being consumed by the world of academia. Upon starting a new job he meets a coworker, whom he begins an unlikely relationship with considering this man identifies as straight.
When sex is introduced and emotions run amok, the routine of Robert’s life is thrown into chaos with unexpected outcomes. Will Robert realize his true limits and whether he can conquer the strife of new love? Little does he know if his heart can survive the overwhelming desire and how this man will alter the course of his life just not now, but for the next decade.
The first novel in the debut “Only If…” series by R. Paone introduces the heartbreaking portrait of one young man finding love in all the wrong places while exploring themes of one’s sexual identity, passion, and nostalgia.
This edition of “Love is Found” has been newly edited and expanded containing over 10K of added content.
This contemporary work of fiction is approximately 78,000 words and contains strong thematic material that is intended for adult readers only.
EXCERPTThis day was the perfect moment, a Kodak one, and I knew it. The blades of grass against my face confirmed it.
He sat down wearing blue jeans and some worn to hell New Balance sneakers. He had on a Mono band tee, one that we always fought about. He loved the Japanese band, and I loved the band that sung “Life in Mono.” At least we could say we liked the same group, and no one knew which one we would be referring to. He leaned back and rested both of his hands in the grass and stretched out his legs in front of me as I played with the bits of grass poking through my toes. I had taken off my Converse sneakers as it was warm enough in August to do so.
Last night confirmed it, also.
I knew that something like a hurricane was brewing between us. It wasn’t the gin rummy round or it wasn’t what he said to me between each unfiltered Lucky Strike he was chain smoking. It was the graze of his touch on me that I had been waiting for. Mitch Faber was the man in my life that evening. Even though he proclaimed to me weeks ago that he was straight, he still admitted he had “feelings” for me. I had a lot of questions about what exactly that meant. At least the rest of the world didn’t question his sexuality. But did I even know?
In the background, Garbage’s “Only Happy When It Rains” was playing. I’m happy now and it’s not even raining.
After dealing a hand for the final round, my eyes became fixated on his movements as he threw down a card. It was fluid to watch those hands snap back forth but also take a drag of each smoke. His light brown, wavy hair kept getting in his eyes, and he pushed it back several times with little bursts of frustration.
“Nothing at all,” he spurted out. I could tell he was way too focused on what hand he was dealing. I was way ahead with points and that probably annoyed him increasingly. His state of distress with a simple card game put me on this undeniable edge. I pulled at my bottom lip. Unbeknownst to him, I was hard as hell and was adjusting myself as he kept pondering his next move.
“You are moving around too much. Now, what’s wrong with you?” He said it with such conviction. Goddamn it, he was driving me wild.
We were sitting on the floor of his one bedroom apartment down the street from the graduate campus. I was sitting cross-legged as my legs were half under his antique oak coffee table. I made up some pathetic excuse for my foot falling asleep to cover up for the fact I was aroused beyond words.
“I’m uncomfortable. I don’t care what you say. This incredibly tacky rug is doing nothing my ass, dude,” I proclaimed.
It was true- he probably has had this rug since he was in graduate school himself. The red shag texture screamed 2001. I bet he probably had a Grateful Dead poster too above his bed. He shot me a look and brought me back down to reality.
“Well, let’s fix that now before you are numb from the waist down,” he purred.
“Har, har. Keep it up, Mitch.”
He got up from across me, and I wasn’t even paying attention to what he was about to do. What happened took me off guard. I was off my feet in the quickest of movements. He came up behind me and lifted me from under my arms and placed my ass on the edge of the plush green love seat. He kept his other hand on the small of my back with one of his fingers latched into my pant’s belt loop. He knelt on the ground and buried his face in my chest with the sightless of movements. I felt the need to be closer to him as I felt his back rise and fall with each breath. What was he thinking?
“Thank you for putting up with me, Robert. I know I am a stubborn motherfucker. I know I am going through this old-school bullshit self-image with, well, dating men.”
He confirmed what I thought. He was extremely uncomfortable with being gay or admitting to anyone, much less me, that he had these feelings. I’m glad I gave him solace to confess these feelings to me. I pulled him in closer as my fingers circled the crown of his head. I twirled a bit of his mane in my index finger and thought to myself: Hey, it’s fine. I’ve never dealt with this, but this man has told me he has feelings for me. Only I can lead him in the right direction. He’s mine, and I’m his. I leaned in and kissed his forehead and pulled his eyes up to mine.
“It’s fine. I know you want to keep working on this, so we will keep chugging along. There is that. We’ll be okay, Mitch. I know it.”
He moved into the upright position facing me now as he pulled away from the closeness of my chest. He shifted only slightly so that we were facing each other. He was still kneeling in front of me and for a moment, I heard traditional wedding bells.
Instead, he moved forward and rested his nose against on mine and I felt even closer as he wrapped his arms around my back and held on tight to my shoulders. His stubble of not shaving for four days, the way those gray eyes flickered up to me, all had me under some spell, and it was about to come to a head, and I was ready. He leaned into me and placed his lips tenderly on mine and those sparks ignited from within.
I sunk into his kiss unable to let go of the moment I was kissing a man so deeply that I was madly in love with. The length of his limbs took me in and then pushed me back as I sank back into the cushions. The heaves of his breath under his favorite sweater were relevant to me because I could still feel his heart jump out as I reached out to feel for him. He brought my hand back down, took both of his hands, pulled my blue tee shirt up and left it collected under my arm pits. I felt the scratchy material of that wool sweater as he dragged himself up and down my bare flesh. He moved back up to my neck landing softly against my jugular with soft kisses. He massaged and pinched my nipples with his left hand and grabbed for my cock through my jeans as I buckled under this fevered encounter.
He came up for air and said “You’re so full of love,” and I felt the heat between my legs growing. I felt the heat of his breath and the heat from his raging hard on pressing against my calf. I felt like I was about to let go completely of what inhibitions I thought I had. This man I saw before me stoked this fire and left me begging not to be extinguished. His eyes looked deeper into me, his flushed cheeks puffed out as he managed to take a breath between words. That’s when he kept his eyes on me and reached into my jeans and flicked the top of my jeans open. My knees shook regardless even though I had support from the floor under them but I was free falling. He kept one hand free to cup my ass while bringing his head back up to the crook of my neck.
“Is this it?”
“No,” I said coming up for air. I could feel the precum gathering in my black briefs.
“Then, well, I suggest we keep going.” His eyes were deadly still as he said it. “I have never been with a guy since you, so I want this time to last a lifetime. I want to remember everything about your body every time I take you.”
“Oh…” It was all that could escape my throat. He returned to my neck. All this heat continued to rise.
“I’m going to worship you right now, so let me do my thing and explore your body. Don’t move.”
I could only hum my confirmation to my submission.
He yanked my pants down around my ankles and pulled them all the way off my left leg as they hung desperately around my right foot. I was still lying with my back flat on the couch and my legs planted firmly on the floor. He kept trailing licks down to my abs and gently kissed the tip of my cock sticking out from the elastic of my briefs. He parted the side of the fabric between my groin and made his way with his index fingers around my tight hole.
“I want you, Robert. I want all of you at this moment and fuck what everyone else says.”
I said nothing as I glanced up from my chest and giving him a quick glance of what he was doing to me. Sweet torture, it was. His tongue moved down the inside of my thigh, as I almost didn’t notice him yank my underwear down exposing me completely. He immediately buried his face in my pubes while stroking my length and then almost at the same swinging my legs over his shoulders.
“You are beautiful.”
He wasn’t going to let me cum anytime soon. He was going to keep pushing me farther. That son of a bitch.
His finger continued to push against my asshole that hasn’t been exposed since to such exploration beside my own which rarely happened. He bent down and buried his face and held my ass open as he licked at my hole and swirled his tongue around the surrounding area. What hair I had on my ass was soaking wet with spit and sweat, and I didn’t care how dirty it was. I let him keep going.
I buckled under the pressure that I could feel building in my ass from the way his hand controlled the finger that was moving inside of me. He would intermediately lubricate his finger by placing it in his mouth and going back to working me open after rimming me. He was leading me to a cliff, and I was about to free fall from all this pleasure. He wasn’t even sucking me off; he just kept stroking my cock and playing with my ass. I knew this was it. I was about to let go, and I wanted to give it up to him.
As the words escaped my mouth, so did my orgasm. It shot down my backside, and my ass tightened around him as I started to shoot one hot load after the other onto my stomach. It felt like it lasted forever as he kept finger fucking my ass. The waves seemed to keep going as I landed back down on the couch from the arch I held from that powerful let go.
He released his finger and moved up to me. He was still fully clothed as I could see the beads of sweat traveling down his unshaven cheeks every second. He lay back down on my stomach and kissed me quickly regardless of lying on top of the mess he made of me. I moved the stray hair from my face that was glued there from sweat and knew I could keep this going if I believed in fate. But, wait was this fate?
“Are you sleeping?”
My eyes cracked open. I was still lying in the bed of grass. I am glad my dream was a real account of what happened the night before. I sat up and smiled as Mitch was standing over me with a grocery bag of food he picked up from the market. He was looking at me with such intent and determination. We were headed to the local art museum downtown but stopped by the adjacent park to have some lunch. I looked at my cell phone; I must have fallen asleep for about five minutes. A real dream, nonetheless. It’ll happen again, I know it.
He emptied the contents of the bag onto the bath towel we grabbed from his apartment and turned his gaze to me before even opening the container of hummus and bottle of water.
“I have something I have to tell you.”
I held my breath and waited…
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Paone is the author of LGBT fiction, coming of age, and contemporary romance including the ongoing “ONLY IF…” Series. Writing is his passion as his stories stem from real life experiences and real moments of love. A writer for the last fifteen years, he started working on his first full length novel in June, 2014. That novel slowly transformed into “Love is Found,” Part One in the “ONLY IF…” Series. He currently resides in New York City. When he isn’t writing, you can find him getting lost in bookstores, a movie theater, or jamming out to music of the 90’s.